How to tell a child about the diagnosis of AD/HD

Once the diagnosis is made, the question for most parents becomes: How do I tell this to my child?

Your child could be highly intelligent; yet, the label of having AD/HD can have a negative impact. This negative labeling can crush a child’s self-esteem and self-reliance. Labels and perceptions can be inspiring or crushing to a child. Ask any child who has been called “smart” or “dummy.”

Parents worry that if the information is not conveyed properly, a child can be made very upset or even damaged. It can even lead to a “why try” attitude. Notwithstanding, informing the child and other family members about AD/HD diagnosis can be highly beneficial and therapeutic, as it allows everyone involved to learn about AD/HD and reframe the problem in a non-judgmental context. This can also facilitate the hard work of strategizing to cope with AD/HD to begin in earnest with everyone’s support.

So, what is the best way to convey the information to your child? As we all know, there is no one best way. Yet, it is important for the parents to keep in mind that AD/HD is not a disorder, but “difference.” Separate AD/HD from the child. Having AD/HD is like being left-handed. It is not who you are; it is part of who you are. Differences do not mean disorders. Parents should illuminate and convey this belief.

Here are few sample statements for parents:

“Johnny, based on what doctors found out, it sounds like you have an awesome brain. You have an incredible mind with great potential. Our child is a one smart kid! Wow!”

[Child will probably respond positively to this, since he usually hears just the opposite]

“Do you understand what AD/HD is? It means your brain is turbo-charged! It’s like a racecar with turbo engine! It means you can go very fast! How exciting!”

[This positively labels the child with something he can feel good about and reclaim sense of self-esteem]

“Johnny, because your brain is turbo-charged like the racecar, when it takes off, it needs good brakes (medication) to slow down. Only concern with AD/HD is that sometimes it makes hard for you to put on the brakes. But with right brakes, you can win lots of races (or do amazing things)! We are confident of that!”

“Johnny, because your brain is like the racecar, when it goes around the race track, it can also overheat and breakdown, so we need to keep this engine in good condition (via behavioral program such as SmartCoach). We can lubricate with right motor oil to make it run smoothly, so you can win lots of races (or do amazing things)! What do you think?”

“Johnny, you know how sometimes you have trouble sitting still or paying attention in the classroom? Well, now we know why. Your brain is turbo-charged like that racecar :) We are all going to be in your racecar team to help you put on the right brakes and keep the engine running smoothly so you can win lots of races (or do amazing things)! How does that sound to you?”

Open and positive dialogue helps the child to deal with AD/HD news better, since no one is making more of it than it needs to be. There is no need to keep the news secret, as that implies something bad or shameful about AD/HD.

It is also possible for a child to pose questions on AD/HD:

Q: Does this mean I am stupid? Can I still be an astronaut (or whatever)?

A: You are not stupid at all. Exactly the opposite is true. You have a gift of incredibly quick mind. It’s an advantage you have. You can be anything you want to be when you grow up. As long as we have good brakes and the right motor oil for your turbo-engine, you can go faster than most kids.

Q: Can I get rid of AD/HD if I don’t want to have it?

A: If that is what you truly want, we can work together to get rid of some parts that you do not want to have. We can also work together to make those parts into something you want to have! Sometimes AD/HD goes away, but for most people, it stays. I guarantee you that if we work together to keep that fast engine of yours in good shape, you will enjoy having that fast car, as long as you learn to manage it with good brakes.

Q: My brother(s) and sister(s) tease me because I have AD/HD. Can you tell them to stop?

A: Let’s have a family meeting and explain to everyone about what AD/HD is. Once they know what AD/HD is, your brother(s) and sister(s) will rally around you. Sometimes, kids with AD/HD get more attention from parents, so it is also possible they are a little jealous that you get more attention (smile).

Q: Do I have to take medicine now? What if my friends find out about that? What do I tell them?

A: Medication is like those brakes I told you about. It will help you to manage that fast brain of yours. Since most kids don’t understand AD/HD or what medication does, it would probably be better to keep it between you and your parents.